Starting School in a Foreign Country (Teal Rapp)

We continue our series on dads talking about sending their kids to school in a foreign country. Teal Rapp says one of the hardest moments of his life was dropping his two daughters off at a French elementary school in Aix en Provence for their first day of school, knowing his girls didn't speak a word of French. But, he doesn't regret the decision now...

Watch Starting School in a Foreign Country (Teal Rapp) on Vimeo.

If you would like to ask Teal a question, feel free to email him at tealrapp@gmail.com.

Starting School in a Foreign Country (Phil Graf)

We continue our series on dads talking about sending their kids to school in a foreign country. Phil Graf lives in Amsterdam with his five children. He talks about the importance of a democratic household where children are involved in making decisions, including schooling.

Watch Starting School in a Foreign Country (Phil Graf) on Vimeo.

27 weeks

Stars

Last night Alleke and I hiked down to the beach to the look at the stars. We lay there in the sand side by side looking up at the sky, spread out in front of us like a map of a million cities.

Eventually I turned over and asked Alleke,"Can you count the stars?"

She nodded confidently, and then carefully began counting each star with her pointer finger. "One. Two. Three. Four. Five. Six. Seven," she said, and then looked at me.

"Seven," I said, nodding in agreement.

Today we were eating lunch in the backyard with our friends Carey and Marty, and I was telling them the story about Alleke counting the stars. When I finished, April said, "Oh, that's because I take Alleke up on the roof of our apartment building in Madrid to hang up laundry, and when we count stars, we can only see seven."

Starting School in a Foreign Country (Hud McWilliams)

Hud McWilliams, a psychologist who specializes in families living abroad, begins our series on dads talking about sending their kids to school in a foreign country.

Alleke will be starting preschool in the mornings this fall, so I went looking for some dads who could give me advice about how to handle this transition well. I have seven dads lined up for interviews, and I'll be posting two interviews each week. I hope you find their experience useful.

Watch Starting School in a Foreign Country on Vimeo.

If you would like to ask Hud a question, feel free to email him at Hud@HudMcWilliams.com.

Innocence

my friend Enrique who sleeps at Plaza Mayor

The stroller was parked at the front door, and I sat on the couch stuffing a backpack with Alleke's things when she walked over and handed me her blankie.

"Put this in the backpack," she said, "because I want to sleep with it on the bench tonight."

I'm sure I would have had no idea what Alleke was talking about except that a week earlier she had asked me about the man who sleeps on the bench at her playground.

"That man is homeless," I said, trying to find words to explain the situation. "He doesn't have a house to sleep in, so he sleeps on that bench."

Alleke frowned.

"But why doesn't he have a house?" she asked, looking up at me.

"I don't know," I said with a shrug. "Maybe he can't find a job, so he doesn't have money to pay for a house."

Alleke stared at the man for a while longer, and then ran off to play in the sand.

That night after I had kissed Alleke goodnight and gotten up to leave her room, she said to me, "Daddy, when I'm homeless, I'm going to sleep on a bench."

"Oh sweetie," I said, kneeling next to her bed again, "you don't have to worry about being homeless or sleeping on a bench because mom and I are going to take good care of you, okay?"

Alleke nodded.

Every day since Alleke asked me about that man sleeping on the bench, however, she's been making elaborate plans for her own survival when she's homeless and has to sleep on a park bench. I suppose kids who grow up on a farm imagine being farmers someday. Kids who grow up in town pretend to run the grocery store or teach at the school. Kids who grow up in the middle of the city imagine what it would be like to be homeless.

I mentioned Alleke's obsession with being homeless to my Spanish tutor, Jesús, and he said, "Kelly, you can't tell your kids everything. You have to simplify things for them, so they can understand."

"Are you going to tell your two-year-old daughter why that prostitute is standing on the corner?" Jesús asked me, grinning with the satisfaction of a point well made.

Jesús was right, of course. I had considered it a personal challenge to explain to Alleke even the most complicated situations because living in the middle of the city with a toddler, it didn't seem possible to protect my child's innocence. Was it realistic to think that I could avoid explaining homelessness to Alleke when there was a homeless guy sleeping on a bench at her playground? Innocence was out of the question, so I thought.

But, when Jesús framed the situation with extremes, I could see that I did have my limits. Maybe I simply wasn't willing to fight for Alleke's innocence. Maybe I had given up already.

The purpose of innocence, as I'm beginning to understand it, is not overwhelming our children with complex experiences and decisions that they don't understand, and as a result, are not able to process well. It's better to teach our children values and beliefs using the small things first so that as they grow up, they can apply those same values and beliefs to larger, more complex situations and decisions.

Speaking of complex situations, now I just need to find a way to convince Alleke that she can sleep in her bed tonight, not on the park bench down at the playground.

24 Weeks

How to Make Lemonade

Welcome back to Alleke's Cooking Show. In the spirit of summer, Alleke would like to show you how to make a cold pitcher of fresh-squeezed lemonade. Like all toddlers, Alleke's recipe includes carefully counting all the lemons, licking the sugar off her fingers, and of course taking the first glass to mom for a taste test. If you're up for some fun, join Alleke in the kitchen...

Watch How to Make Lemonade on Vimeo.

Alleke's Lemonade Recipe:
6 lemons
6 cups of water
1 cup of sugar

If you don't have a juicer, just use your hand and a fork to squeeze the juice from the lemons. It's more work, but the lemonade tastes just as good!

Watch the previous episode of Alleke's Cooking Show: How to Make Saturday Morning Pancakes...

Pajamas

I woke to someone tapping my shoulder. I opened my eyes and blinked in the darkness. April must have come to bed, I thought. I felt the bed shaking underneath me. Is she laughing? I wondered.

April leaned over my shoulder and whispered in my ear, trying hard to get out a few words between her fits of laughter and gasps for breath.

"Why...are you...wearing...my pajamas?" she asked, and then erupted again with laughter.

My eyes had adjusted to the light enough by that point that when I looked down I could see that I was indeed wearing a women's tank top with spaghetti straps. It was not very flattering. Unfortunately, I have a habit of doing strange things in my sleep.

"I got cold with the fan on," I said angrily and buried my head in my pillow. I closed my eyes and went to sleep again with April next to me still shaking the bed with her laughter.