Spain Dad, a baby blog

365.164 – Smile! by dyanna.

I stood there with my arms crossed and stared at the goldfish that had sunk to the bottom of the fish tank, shipwrecked among the pebbles, and all silvery like a coin dropped in a well.

I always thought goldfish floated to the top when they died.

Maybe not right away—which actually would buy me more time to consider how to explain to Alleke that her goldfish was dead without her noticing.

I put off telling Alleke about her goldfish until she was in her pajamas. It was now or never, so I sat her on my knee and pointed at the fish.

“Goldfish is dead,” I said, knowing Alleke wouldn’t understand what the word meant, but offering it to her like a sand bucket to be filled. We would scoop it full of meaning. So, I tried to explain death, and nothing seemed to work until I told Alleke that it was time to say “bye bye” to her goldfish. The sand dropped in the bucket.

Alleke slid off my knee, but didn’t walk over to the fish tank. She stayed close and peered curiously at the fish. She frowned as I scooped up the fish with a slotted spoon from the kitchen and shoveled him into an empty allergy medicine box.

I pulled on my jacket, and after I let myself out of the apartment, I heard Alleke begin to cry. I walked down the steps and dumped the box in the trash can sitting on the curb in front of our building.

Back upstairs in our apartment, I took off my coat again and listened as April finished explaining to Alleke that Pepe, our remaining goldfish, was sad he had lost his friend.

“Was Goldfish your friend too?” April asked, holding Alleke on her lap.

Alleke nodded.

“Are you sad that you lost your friend Goldfish?” April asked.

Alleke thought for a moment. Then her face lit up.

“I want goldfish crackers,” she said, referring to her favorite fish-shaped cheddar crackers that she had stashed in the cupboard in the kitchen.

April sighed and crossed her arms.

“Sometimes I feel like I’m trying to make her cry,” she said.

For more, watch the video of Alleke getting Goldfish for her birthday…